Things don't always go as planned!...

Hi. I'm unsure how many of you will read this but I'm writing it as more of a therapeutic thing if anything.

So the last time I posted it was the day before my first day at school, or first day in my new job as it were. Oh how I raise my eyebrow now when I think about how excited I was and all that hope I had that I'd have a better time in teaching than in my previous job!

Fresh start

My first day was actually quite nice to be honest. Sure I felt a bit awkward and a bit of a fish out of water but the staff were nice and the kids were adorable. I mentioned in my last post that this new job was a 4 day week. So I looked forward to Thursday starting my weekend.

It was great to have Friday off

I did school work the entire day. "I just need to get ahead? It won't always be like this, right?"

Silver lining I got to escape the school work for an hour or so to do something towards my business. The main reason I went part-time!

I had the weekend off

I worked hard to learn the new systems and to get "ahead".

By week 2 I had learnt that I needed to get up at 5am every morning to do school work before getting into school for around 7am! To then set up the environment entirely on my own, resource 3 teaching groups of 13 kids each, perhaps whilst juggling and balancing on one leg?! To leave around 5:30pm for nothing more than a change of scene to then carry on with school work.

I am superhuman

Then Monday, of just week 3, happened. Do you ever wish that some days you could rewind and maybe just start over?

By 10.30am I experienced what I believe to be my first panic attack. If you've had one you'll relate. If you haven't, I hope you never have to relate!
I calmed down after locking myself in the toilets and eventually calling for my TAs (teaching assistants).

It won't happen again

At dinnertime I found myself stuck in Morrison's cafe, unable to pull myself together. I couldn't go back. After panicking and ringing my Dad (who was in Northampton working- far away from my home) he managed to calm me down a bit and made me get in touch with my headteacher, of whom coaxed me back to school with a cuppa!

He was brill I have to say and he planned for me to get some support from my leader. "It'll be ok. I'll get some help and it'll all be fine".

I drew a line under Monday.

Tomorrow would be better

Tuesday dinner I had panic attack number 3. I realised at this point that I could not control when they were happening. This scared me. "What if it feeds into other parts of my life? My business? How can I manage a big team if I panic all the time? Will it destroy my confidence?"

Unfortunately, it wasn't received as sympathetically this time around and I was made to go back in and 'teach' in this state. I was crying, my skin blotchy and red and I could hardly catch my breath. Those poor little 3 year olds, a little scared if anything, all staring at me. I do not know how I got through it! I really don't.

After that I met with my headteacher again. Wednesday morning I got up at 5am. Not to get on top of the endless workload, but to write my letter of resignation.

I left school and my job with immediate effect that evening.

I regret it

Quite honestly it's the best choice I've ever made. My only regret is that I didn't leave on the Monday!

Sure, it didn't go as I had hoped and planned for but I guess that's life right?!

The good news is I'm well and truly on the mend and I haven't had anymore 'full on' attacks. There's still a little flutter of anxiety there occasionally which I'm working on, but overall I'm feeling so much relief and happiness.

As for work, my business is BOOMING! I'm going for a position in the marketing plan this month so it's all go. LOVE LOVE LOVE it!At least that is making me smile!...

As for teaching. I still do it in the form of supply teaching but I don't think the job as a whole package is for me, at least for now anyway!

Being my own boss is brilliant. Everyday feels like a weekend! I choose when I want to get up. No horrible Sunday night feelings. No set hours. And I'm now drinking wine on a Monday night! Everyday's a school day

Stress!!!

Hello so I thought I'd do a post about my most used word at the moment!

The last couple of weeks have proven to be very tough and although I knew it would be a pretty hard year with finishing up uni and job hunting, I had no idea JUST how difficult it would be!

For anyone who is not familiar with how you go about getting a teaching job I will explain a little...

Checking for vacancies: There are lots of ways of hearing about schools that have job vacancies but a popular one and my most used is searching your local city website.

Visits: Once you have identified a job that meets your needs (in my case one accepting Newly Qualified Teachers and preferably a early years post) you are encouraged to arrange a visit for that school. You can apply without seeing the school but it is not advisable and can affect your chances of your application being successful. In my experience visits can last between 20 minutes to just over an hour.

Applying: Although visits can be quite time consuming (generally you have to fit around their scheduled appointments), applications take the longest. You first have to fill in a pretty generic form that the school supplies you with, which is no bother. However you then have to write a cover letter which generally is your chance to sell yourself and tell them what you've done and what you can do. This is always a ball-ache because let's face it, not many people like to big themselves up as it were! This letter also has to meet the requirements of the school's personal specification e.g. experience in KS1: essential, knowledge of behaviour management strateges: essential etc etc. There's usually a long list so it can be tricky to fit it all in a letter (I try to keep mine to 2 pages max!)
Occasionally your letter also has to include set things e.g. my first application required you to address 4 bullet points- one was how I differentiate learning.

Getting an interview: After you hand in your application, you then have to play the waiting game. You are given a date of when they will be short listing candidates (choosing who they want to interview), but generally you just have to wait to see if you hear back. If you aren't successful you generally do not get told, you just assume that no news means no interview!

Interview prep: If you are lucky enough to get invited to interview (the competition is unbelievable so it means you've done well to even get shortlisted from god knows how many people), you then have to prepare a lesson. This is specified in the letter you receive inviting you to interview. Usually you are expected to teach for about 20-45 minutes and often the age range is indicated, but not necessarily! Thinking of ideas for lessons when you know near on nothing about the children you will be teaching is pretty intense and stressful let me tell you!

My first interview was very nerve-racking and caused me many a sleepless night. However once I got there on the day it dispelled many of my concerns and it was almost an enjoyable experience. Sure, it's a little odd being sat with the 'competition' as it were but everyone was really nice and it was fair to say everyone deserved the job. Needless to say I didn't get offered the position, as it went to a more experienced teacher, but it gave me confidence knowing that my lesson got good feedback and I was able to do an interview!

In terms of stress levels and confused emotions...I've never experienced anything like the past couple of days.

I applied for a school but after not hearing back within a week of the interview date I resigned myself to the fact I had been unsuccessful. Honestly, I was disappointed but I didn't want to dwell so arranged more school visits and concentrated on applying to others. It also meant that I would get to go to my friend Sammy's (over @ bellini beauty) birthday night out (Thursday) and I bought a lovely sailor costume to fit in with the 'S' theme.

Wednesday at dinner time I get a call. It's only the school I thought I had missed out on inviting me to interview! However the interview was on Friday!!! Short notice or what?! As it goes someone had pulled out and I was the reserve. This didn't give me great confidence but I thought I may as well give it a shot!

That afternoon I went to visit another school (as it was already booked) and this caused a rise in stress levels...I just wanted to start planning my interview lesson! I also had to cancel my plans to go out as a Sailor :(

Anyway to cut a long stressful story short Thursday consisted of panicking, cutting out rivers, panicking, painting treasure chests, oh yeah...and more panicking! I'm one of those people that is repelled by food when I get stressed so food certainly wasn't priority that day!

In case you were wondering...I didn't get the job. In fact I didn't actually get interviewed. I got great feedback for my taught lesson and I did a written task but the day was cut short for half of us because we weren't suitable. Again experience came into play...but in terms of managing adults. Personally I know I am nowhere near being ready to guide others...I need guidance myself! If I knew that's what they wanted before then I would have never have applied. But hey ho!...I went in as the underdog and felt like a fish out of water whilst there but I tried! The process wasn't executed professionally imo and there's no excuse for rudeness...but I do truly believe that 'everything happens for a reason'. Fate is a powerful thing.

It's been an incredibly stressful time and I'm truly glad I can find a release in exercise! Unsurprisingly though, with my recent loss of appetite and my normal workout routine I've actually lost 4lbs over the last 10 days...not something I was aiming to do! Don't worry though I made up for it last night...

 Haha! Admittedly it did defeat me but I ate most of it! And I've also recently jumped on the protein shake wagon...but I may do a post about that another time :)

On with the next interview prep I suppose! Oh, and just one last awful assignment to write!!!

Hope everyone is a little more chilled than me at the moment! I saw this and just had to laugh...